What's your problem?

What’s your problem?

Try out this phrase by screaming it out in a furious manner. Rude, huh? Say it now in your usual tone, but with worry in your voice.... Does it sound different? Yes. It's not what you say but how you say it. In psychology we call it "Para language" 

Today we are discussing important aspects of communication: Tone of voice

In my experience as a relationship counsellor, the majority of problems begin with "but he said that to me," "she was talking to me like that," or "how can he talk to me like that?" or "why does she keep screaming at me?" or "he never uses words of encouragement" or "he always talks disrespectfully to me.

Everything has one basic concept missing: effective communication and effective listening. We will share a few important tips here. There is a lot you might be going through that can be discussed in a one-on-one discussion.

What influences our verbal communication and tone of voice?

• Our past observations of family and other significant people

• Our education: teachers and seniors

• Social media, TV serials, movies, etc.

• Society we live in : friends, relatives, neighbours

• Positive and negative Encouragement about sharing and expressing

We automatically switch to different modes when talking to kids, teachers, seniors, colleagues, family members, and your spouse.When we sound overly aggressive when conversing or even arguing, the other person immediately shifts from being polite to being aggressive.

Communication skills are very delicate; if you don't use the right words and tone for the circumstance, they can completely alter relationships and situations in a matter of seconds. Only humans have this ability to manipulate the tone and choice of words they use.

Talk carefully because the impact you make on someone through your words and tone matters. For instance, if you are a doctor, you cannot speak to your patients in an aggressive or impolite manner because they are already weak both mentally and physically and need care. However, if you are a teacher, you might need to speak in a firm voice to get your students to behave in class.

You have to cope with relationships at home like those between a wife, husband, son, daughter, mother, and father. Here, additional caution is required because the wrong word or tone could set off a chain of events that could have negative effects. The subject of communication is broad and has many sub-fields. We might discuss it in separate articles.

 Always remember:

1. Be polite

2. Stay humble

3. Speak to your loved ones in the manner in which you would like them to respond.

4. Words and tone leave an effect on the mind which lasts for a long time.

5. Avoid starting a conversation sarcastically unless you know the person well.

Teja Shivasharan